Shop around. This is most important when trying to find the best auto insurance quotes. Don’t settle for the very first company you come across. Many companies will provide different rates based on the individual’s specific needs. One shouldn’t feel obligated to choose the first company, just because it sounds good. Maintain in mind the saying might be true that the “best” might come “last”.

Check discounts. Many companies provide several discounts based on the driver behind the wheel. Some discounts are based on age, sex, driving history, etc. Some even offer discounts for having automatic monthly payments withdrawn from checking accounts.

Keep insurance policies updated. This is extremely important in factoring in the various quotes companies have to offer. The policy might need to be updated due to a change in jobs, location, and other aspects. If your job is closer to where you live, it might help the coverage rates decrease due to decreasing miles driven on the vehicle.

Be aware of changes to the insurance rates with “hidden” guidelines. Some companies try to lure car owners into purchasing car insurance at “Introductory pricing”, by promising to include all of these colossal deductions. However, some fail to mention the rates could increase later after the insured individual has been with the company for a while.

Be weary of the vehicle driven. People can save instantly on auto insurance by having a grand, affordable, and advantageous vehicle. Insurance companies look at the safety features of the vehicle, the make/model of the vehicle, and the pricing of the vehicle to determine the Insurance quotes. Before you decide to purchase a vehicle, call the Insurance companies to obtain different quotes of the particular car.

Know the ins and outs of each Insurance company. Create sure to research what all is included with your policy. Check for any deductible pricing to see what the deductible may be if involved in an accident. Check to see if there are any hidden rules in the Insurance contract. Also, it is important that each insured individual has a Proof of Insurance card, in case needed for routine traffic stops or other serious matters.

Acquire advantage of online websites who offer various quotes for many different auto insurance companies on one website. If alive to car owners prefer, they may visit http://www.insurance.com to receive various quotes from auto insurance companies.

Get on a personal level with an agent. Sometimes it may be better to work with an Agent who lives close to your particular area. Through random searches online, individuals can find several agents in the area who may help to get the person on the good path to securing an Auto Insurance company. For some people, it is better to talk in person rather than over the phone.

Don’t be frightened to file a complaint. If you feel that you have been taken advantage of or harassed, don’t be afraid to file a complaint. You have the option to file a complaint through your local State Insurance Commissioner’s website if you feel you were treated unfairly.

Look towards the future! This final tip is critical, as it is worth mentioning to keep all eyes and ears open for necessary hints. For your continued loyalty to the company, auto insurers will offer special incentives including special discounts based on your longevity with the company.

PROS:

If you have vulgar mileage, insurance companies offer you a 24% – 30% discount on pay as you go coverage.

Using pay as you go auto insurance on your secondary cars (cars you don’t drive as frequently as your main car) is VERY advantageous! You don’t have to pay as much as you would if you were using a pudgy coverage program with these cars, seeing how it is “pay as you go”.

Pay as you go auto insurance could benefit the environment. Since you’re paying for the insurance according to car mileage, people will want to lope, ride a bike, or exercise public transportation more often. This helps your pocket especially with high gas prices.

This program could possibly cut rates for young and elderly users by as powerful as 40%! That means if you are in the 18-21 year range, elderly, or a high risk driver, you should definitely look into getting this type of insurance!

CONS:

A tracking procedure seems like an invasion of privacy to some prospective consumers. So far there is only one company that does not include the GPS feature as part of their coverage. Also, you have to pay for this device separately from the insurance coverage, and since it is REQUIRED by most companies… you don’t really save any money.

This program is for low mileage drivers ONLY. Most insurance companies that offer pay as you go auto coverage require that the driver drive less than 10,000 miles per year. This saves you only up to 25%, if you drive less than 10,000 miles then you can save up to 40%.

You have to pay a fee for each mile you go over your program’s limit.

Rates differ depending on what time of day you drive. For example, if you’re driving between 4pm and 6pm, your rate will be higher than if you were driving 1am and 3am, because there is more traffic during the 4-6 time frame. Some policies limit night driving to only 10-20 miles per night because this is when most of the accidents happen.

If you’re looking into getting a pay as you go insurance plan, make sure you weigh ALL pros and cons before signing a contract. Check with each insurance company to see how their coverage works before you decide on one. Try to get the cheapest but most efficient (for you) coverage!

You might be asking yourself at this point, “What the hell does this have to do with gigantic customer service? ” Well, when your property gets vandalized I'm sure one of the first thoughts that goes through your mind is, “Who could have done this? ” Of course it's not the Vandilii tribe but vandals still roam our streets destroying property. The next thing that goes through your mind is, “I have to call people for help!”

I recently had an experience with vandals and if it hadn't been for the great customer service I received that day from several sources there's no doubt my day would have been hell on earth. Let me tell you about it.

One Sunday morning my wife decided to get some groceries and so she jumped into one of our Honda Elements and proceeded to drive away. She was able to get out of the driveway but realized something was horrible spoiled. As I was sitting on the floor playing with our children I saw her come in and knew something was wrong by the peer on her face. She then told me that the car had been vandalized so I quickly went outside to have a look. Three of our tires had been punctured, the rear end had been egged and the antennas on both our Elements had been stolen. I though out loud, “Who the hell did I piss off!” I stood there pondering our dilemma when I happened to spy over at the neighbors car and wouldn't you know, they had a flat tire also. Whew! Maybe I wasn't such a jerk after all. One can only hope. This prompted me to grasp a walk around the neighborhood and I found seven cars with flat tires and a few with egg on them as well. I made up my mind and called the police.

Now begins my dash into the world of customer service. I imagined the police officer that would arrive would be cold, distant yet efficient. He was efficient but I was greatly surprised at how well he conducted himself. I didn't expect him to be rude but I understand the police have to distance themselves in order to do their job. Officer Valverde was anything but. Officer Valverde arrived on the scene and took my information first because I called and he was kind and conducted himself professionally with a dash of empathy.

The morning was shot to hell and surprisingly I didn't feel angry or stressed. The contact with Officer Valverde had put me at ease and allowed me to get on with my day. The next step we took was calling our insurance company State Farm. Well, not call but file a claim online. It was Sunday and we knew we wouldn't be able to divulge with a claim rep until Monday morning so we consigned ourselves to file a claim and wait. The problem was we hadn't logged into our account for years and didn't know our security questions. Who the hell can remember what color their first car was? Apparently everyone but us can. Anyway, we called the assist line and got connected with Marlene from State Farm Internet Support. Marlene was fantastic! She was able to wait on us get logged into our account and she even laughed at my jokes. When I finished with Marlene my wife and I realized that we didn't need to log into the account to file a claim. I didn't feel it was a waste of time because I had such a great time talking to Marlene who only made the day better.

So our claim was filed and we were instructed to wait for a call from the claims office during normal business hours. If you're like me then you know how hard it is to wait for a call back. Promptly at 8 a.m. the next day I took matters into my own hands and called the claims office. You see I had to work later that evening and it would be hell without a vehicle. The young girl who answered the phone told me Katy Pauly with State Farm claims would be calling me benefit as soon as she could. I immediately thought, “Oh! Gargantuan! I'm going to have to wait a few days for the call back.” I was way wrong! Katy called me 15 minutes later and walked me through the process. She helped me select a repair facility and car rental agency. I asked if I should call them myself and she said no she was going to send them documents and they would call me. Aye! More waiting? I was done with Katy and felt relieved that things were getting done plus the fact that Katy laughed at my jokes.

It was still early so I thought I'd sit back and have a cup-of-joe but that was not to be. Ten minutes later I received a call from Disagreeable Country Automotive Services

Approximately ten minutes later I received an automated message stating that the towing company Sohle Pronounce Towing located at 1109 Mohegan Lane in El Paso, Texas (915) 585-6800 would be sending a driver to my home in about 20 minutes. Wow! That was hastily but I still had time for coffee, factual? Wrong! Eight minutes later I obtain a call from Chris the tow truck driver who tells me he's outside waiting to hook up my car. Unbelievable! I grabbed my coat and keys and ran outside. Sure enough Chris is standing by his truck cool as a cucumber. Chris and I chat as he pulls my car onto the flatbed and soon thereafter we headed off to the repair facility in less than 10 minutes. Chris was great. He was beyond prompt and he laughed at my jokes.

As we arrived to the repair facility Viva Ford Collision Center I didn't know where to go so Chris walked me to the front and delivered me to where I needed to be. Katy had notified Viva that I would be arriving this morning. I thanked Chris and he was off. Probably with a cape and mask rescuing some stranded motorist.

Now here is where the great customer service takes a turn and detours into “We Really Don't Care About You” land. I understand that sometimes people in the customer service industry have bad days so I didn't keep to great into my initial experience here. I had never dealt with Viva Ford located on 5550 North Desert Blvd in El Paso, Texas so I wasn't sure what to expect. What I got was a slow animated machine that walked through the paces one second, one itsy-bitsy, one hour at a time. I signed up at the front office and was told the estimator would be right with me. As I sat there other customers arrived and stated their case. Viva employees came, did their business and sent them on their way. I sat. And sat. And sat. After the 5^th customer who had arrived after me was done doing their business I got up and asked if it would be much longer. The girl behind the counter hesitantly told me that she thinks the estimator had gone out to the car. What? Without me? Apparently so. I go back and sit and wait another 20 minutes before Pete my estimator calls my name. He says hello in a lack luster way and hands me some papers to sign. He tells me they will call me as soon as they have information on repairs. That's it. I am dismissed and I tilt my head sideways like a dog who doesn't understand. He glances up at me and stares me in the inspect. I guess I'll have to make the first move. “That's it? ” “Yes. We'll call you.”

I left Viva Ford as I imagined a cat would after it's been hosed. I walked away thinking to myself “Well they can't all be Set Farm or Cross Country Automotive Service or Sohle Express Towing and I decided to lift myself up and continue on my quest to find things done by noon. I then called Enterprise Rent-A-Car located on 5385 S. Desert Blvd in El Paso, Texas (915) 845-0268 whom State Farm I'm clear had already contacted. I began speaking with Paul who told me he was expecting my call. I told him I had just finished with Viva and would be walking to their lot. He told me to sit tight and that he would come and get me.

Five minutes later Paul pulled up and we were off. Paul picked me up in this little 4 door model that was nice but too small for my family of six. He explained after arriving to his office that this would be the car I would be using because it fell within the covered amount under my insurance plan. I asked him if they had anything bigger within my price range. He looked at his computer and told me they had a 2010 Chevy Silverado which seats six rather nicely but that it would be $4.00 over my coverage. Now, you might be thinking to yourself that four bucks is nothing but it can add up should the repairs take too long. After what I had just experienced at Viva Ford I wasn't at all confident they would be rushing to finish the repairs. I told Paul to forget it and that I would take the matchbox model he previously offered.

I guess Paul could see the disappointment in my face and stated with confidence, “I'll tell you what I can do. How about I knock off $2.00 on the total for the Silverado and you'll only pay $2.00 a day. How's that sound? ” It was a great gesture but I really didn't want to go over my coverage so I thanked him and said no. I saw him square his shoulders and I could see he had made an executive decision. “I'm going to bewitch off the $4.00 completely on the Silverado and give it to you under your coverage cost.” Well knock me down and call me Shirley. Again I was amazed at all the broad customer service I had been receiving this day. I thanked Paul profusely as he wrote up the transaction, A few minutes later I drove off the lot in that hulking piece of shiny metal and felt good all over again.

As I arrived home I looked at my watch and wouldn't you know, it was just before noon. As I sit here writing this record several days later I have yet to hear from Viva Ford. I called them a few days ago and was told they were buffing out the egg on my car but they level-headed had to inspect the tires. Seriously, how long does it take to check and replace tires? Anyway, I'm still in a good mood and would like to thank the El Paso Police Department and Officer Valverde, State Farm and Marlene and Katy for taking care of me and my family. I will continue to be a loyal customer. I want to thank Lakisha with Unfriendly Country Automotive Services and Chris with Sohle Express Towing for their fantastic efforts. Lastly, I'd like to thank Enterprise Rent-A-Car and Paul for going above and beyond what customer service should be.

I highly recommend the people I've thanked and the companies they work for. Great job!

Update:

I hadn't heard from Viva Ford again and the other day I was driving by so I decided to conclude and check the place of my car. As I pulled into the lot I peek my vehicle being driven away. I thought to myself, “Yes! They're taking it for a test drive. It has to be ready.” So I go in and ask for Pete who's (mis-handling) the repairs and after a short wait he comes out and stands there staring at me. I stare encourage a few seconds then tell him I just saw my vehicle being driven away and want to know what's going on. He tells me that the car is being taken to another shop so they can check the tires. What?! I can not believe Viva Ford can't afford to buy a large bin, fill it with water, submerge my tire to see where the air is leaking and repair or replace my tires. It's been two weeks. Just incredible. At least I have some good experiences from this whole fiasco and a wonderful insurance company like Area Farm to recall care of me. http://www.crosscountry-auto.com/ and spoke with Lakisha who was going to set me up with a towing company. Lakisha was quick and professional. It surprised me how efficiently Lakisha did her job. It was poetry in motion. Again I was told I would score a call from the towing company I had just selected. I didn't want to jinx myself so I said out loud, “Great! More waiting.” I was wrong again.

The 2002 Toyota Celica that I owned was an automatic four-speed car with a 1.8 liter engine and it had four doors. This car was a immense car for me being a first time driver because it gave me the ability to feel powerful without having too much power under the hood. This was a subcompact front-wheel drive sports car that had power windows, brakes and steering along with a cloth interior. The gas mileage on the 2002 Toyota Celica was pretty gracious as I averaged 27 miles per gallon in the city and about 34 miles per gallon on the highway. I could go about 400 miles with the gas tank all the intention filled u,p which was nice being I was young and a beginner at driving. One of the best things about the Toyota Celica was the fact it handled the road well even in the snow, ice and rain. The performance of this car is amazing because the car handles well in all weather and this car usually is cheap to fix.

The inside of the car was also nice because it was a very stylish interior with a huge center console for all of my music and personal items such as purse and cell phone. The inside is big enough for at least four people with plenty of room to spare. The big backseat provides you with the opportunity to gather more of friends for social events and made shopping easier as well. The backseats fold down so you can have more room in the trunk for storing and hauling large objects.

The Toyota Celica has become a very classy sport car because of the design of the car and the way it handles on the roadway. As with all cars these days, the 2002 Toyota Celica has front airbags which is always nice to know you have in case you get into an accident. I also liked the fact I had cruise control in the car which is nice for long highway driving. Wheels were also very good on the 2002 Toyota Celica and were easy to find since they were the standard 195 60 R15 tires found on most compact cars. The affordability of the insurance is also another reason why I loved my 2002 Toyota Celica. Although I was young and this was technically a sporty car I only had to pay about 150 dollars a month. You can not beat the label for insurance on a car like this even full-liability was only about 200 dollars a month. The sport seats which were bucket style and the huge dash gauges only add to the reasons why this car is my favorite car ever. I liked the interior being stylish and having a fancy dashboard with huge gauges so I can see everything without blurring my eyes. The low bucket seating provided a stylish look and sporty seek to the car also but was not always the most comfortable seats if you are driving long distances.

I did not have to add a CD player to the car since it came with a factory one but did have to add a better sound system to it. The radio and speakers were factory models so you can only get so much from the system. If you want to really build your car sound as good as it looks, you need to buy a better CD player and speaker system. Overall, the main reason I loved the 2002 Toyota Celica was because it handled so good no matter what the weather was which made me feel safe and because the style was sporty. I loved how the headlights were a little narrow and slanted with the underneath fog lights. The back of the car had the small spoiler on it which made me feel really cool and like I was really in a fast car even though the car only went up to 140 miles per hour according to the dashboard. If you are looking for a fun and exciting car no matter how old you are, the 2002 Toyota Celica should be one of your options. This car provides a sporty look with the comfort and reliability of a regular compact car. This car is also great if you need replacement parts because they are easy to install and do not cost a lot of money. You can utilize 8,000 dollars to get a 2002 Toyota Celica and get many years out of it if you bewitch car of it and do recommended repairs.

BESTShops- It's Christmastime in the city and wouldn't it be chilly to be able to have an app that would find the best present for Aunt Millie, or your little nephew, Junior? You just put in the demographics and maybe an interest or two, the app comes up with a list of possible presents, closet shops to you to buy them, and their locations.

FindABIKE '” You are serious about going green so you not only need a bike, but you need to know where to use it, where to acquire accessories for it, what the laws are in your area, and the best ways to keep your bicycle theft free. This app locates all the bikes within a specified state status ( you specify) all the trails, cycle lanes, and sidewalk communities, and the laws that cover the community you specify- best of all it also computes the number of miles you put on your bike during each ride.

InSEASON-If you are a locovore (only eat foods produced within 100 miles of your home) you might be presented with lots of challenges if you live in a set of the country that contains four seasons. This app will help you locate local farmer's markets, CSA's, and other regional vendors. You will just put in the area and the information will appear. This app will also help you keep track of those places you have visited, which ones were the best, and what make, meats, or other products you bought.

ZEROWASTE '” This app is a game. You plug in your spot and ZERO (the character who will follow you wherever you go) keeps track of your carbon footprint. The app also has the location of all recycling centers for all types of materials, where the trails and lanes are for your biking and walking transport methods, farmers markets, bus stops and schedules, and local organizations that are helping citizens get to zero waste. You can either play the game for a day, a week, or a month. At the end you will be connected to others in your community who are playing the game too, and badges will be awarded.

AutoRap- You are driving down a lonely street at night and the motor goes out! You are not a member of Triple AAA, your car insurance doesn't provide repair, and frankly, you are out of luck. Except you have AutoRap! This app provides every provider within a designated zip code radius that will arrive and get you- and they are safety screened as well. At the same time you are calling for help, a aid up control alarm in the app is contacting a security firm that is attached to the program.

SWIMFIN '” All the lakes are frozen, and you are new to town. Toddle in your state and every in-house pool that get visitors will pop up. This app will also connect you to the community of swimmers in your designated radius- and keep track of miles you are swimming if swimming becomes a lifestyle. After so many miles badges for miles in the water are awarded. Perhaps you will become the next Master Fin!

TownTutor '” You might have a child who is having trouble with math, you might be having trouble with math yourself, or your mother might want to learn how to play golf. Whatever the need, a tutor in your town is as close as this app. A listing of skills and subjects is on the roll- you designate your area, and a listing of screened tutor's rolls up. A security firm is also a section of this program. We can never be too careful. If you want to list as a tutor in a specific field '”an application button is available- and a screening will take place.

Virtual Weight Loss '” Since this an article about apps that we wish there were I am going to dwelling this app far and above those that most people wish for. We breeze in our weight and a variety of exercise machines pop up! You sit and eat potato chips with heavy doses of French dip as you watch your avatar, named Beulah blend in 15 minutes each on every chosen exercise machine. As we do this the calories expended are added up and after a week or so it will probably be shown that we have lost an enormous amount of weight. How realistic is that?

TVSyn '” Wanna play a character in your favorite TV show? Have you ever wanted to be Mariska Hargitay on Law and Order SVU? Or Prince William on the latest news cycle? This app gives you the chance to be anyone you want to be- any celebrity, any political pundit, and any sports pro! It also places you in their shoes; literally, you set up a Celebrity avatar, and become a fashionista. If you are a Sports Pro, your stats and endorsements pop up. Political Pundit? Your mouth becomes your tool! And the ratings wars begin. This is mutter and complete fantasy with a bit of right stuff mixed in.

ZAP '” Ideal for the lazy traveler! This app enables anyone to just plug in a longed for location and be there! Perhaps, you are tired of scraping those icy windows on your car every morning, and would prefer to be living in sunny Florida! Zap! And you're there! Perhaps your community is full of conservative cheese heads and you would prefer a more liberal style.
Zap! And you are in San Francisco! Zap will take you there!

So, that's it- 10 Great Apps that would be cool to use on an IPHONE or maybe in Congress. It all honest depends on you- and how virtual you want the world to get!
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First, look for a driving refresher course for yourself or your senior parent, because these courses can lower your auto insurance rate. They may be listed as Senior Safe Driving Courses or Driver Safety Course, but these classes can also encourage you on the road.

Since seniors, in most cases, have had continuous coverage for several years, they can qualify for the continuous coverage discount. Even if you thought to stay with the same auto insurance company, you can also ask your current auto insurance company for a list of available discounts you can qualify for, like putting all of your insurance needs into one company and one bill. Putting your auto, home, and life insurance policies into one, can also save you time, and money.

If you have not filed any claims against your auto insurance companies, or have had very few claims in the several years you have been insured, you can receive a discount for being a safe driver. Even if you have the apt age, the right car, having a large amount of insurance claims can hurt your monthly auto insurance payments.

Some auto insurance companies also offer discounts for purchasing their auto insurance online. In some cases, seniors are not computer savvy and may need assistance, so I suggest asking a relative to help, visit your local library or visit your local senior care center.

Below you will rep a review of my top three choices for auto insurance for seniors. By purchasing your premium and paying the full payment at once, you will also assign money, instead of paying monthly.

Esurance

For standard coverage for a 55 year old senior couple driving a 2008 Chevy Cobalt, with no accidents in the past 3 to 5 years, minimum Ohio location coverage for liability, $100 deductibles for comprehension and collision, towing up to &75, and rental reimbursement of $30 per day up to $900, is about $65 per month or $400 for 6 months of auto insurance coverage. This estimate gives you a small look at what you would be paying through Esurance. They offer quick and easy payment options online at www.esurance.com, where you can download and print a copy of your auto insurance cards immediately after your payment is processed.

The General

The General auto insurance company offers low rates on almost every insurance policy they sell, which makes them one of my popular auto insurance companies. For about $56 per month or $280 for 6 months, or $550 per year, a senior couple ages 55 will receive the Ohio state minimums for liability, $250 deductibles for comprehension and collision, rental reimbursement of $25 per day up to $750, and towing up to $75 for a 2008 Chevy Cobalt. The only downfall of The General auto insurance is that the lowest deductible for comprehension and collision is $250 each, and they pay lower amounts toward rental reimbursements. You can go to www.thegeneral.com to receive a free quote. If you choose their rates, you can retract your policy online with a credit or debit card and download and print your insurance cards at home after your payment is processed in minutes.

Progressive

Out of these three auto insurance companies, Progressive offers the lowest rate of auto insurance with the better package deals for a 55 year mature senior driving a 2008 Chevy Cobalt. For about $47 per month or $255 for a 6 month premium, you will receive the highest liability coverage, $100 deductibles for comprehension and collision, rental car reimbursement of $50 per day up to $1500, roadside assistance that pays for the cost of service and or reimbursement, loan or lease payoff, and enrolls you into the Myrate idea that saves you 25% off your renewal. Progressive auto insurance is an excellent choice for seniors, simply because they offer ease and convenience. For auto insurance claims, you can call their 1-800 number, and an agent will come to you. You can get your free quote at www.progressive.com. Progressive also offers fast and convenience policy payments online, and you can download and print your auto insurance cards at home immediately after your payment has processed in minutes.

When I started driving the rules were simple. If you were in a wreck, whoever got the ticket at the scene of the accident or was deemed to be at fault by the police officer would be forced to have their insurance pay. Therefore you controlled your insurance destiny to a large degree. If you drove carefully, didn’t speed and didn’t drink then you would develop a good driving record and your rates would go down. Also if you did well in school you may even have gotten a “good student” discount.

As with so many things it seems in our country, we decided to stop rewarding individual responsibility by making the person not at fault just as guilty as the person at fault. These were called “no- fault” laws. If you got in an accident then you and the other parties’ insurance would split the costs or in some cases battle it out.

What was the purpose of this change?

Of course “no-fault” everything had arrive into fashion such as no-fault divorce. It was just a way to expedite cases through the court systems.

In the space of auto insurance, instead of having to rely as remarkable on individual driving records, companies could base their rates on the type of car, age and area as much as a driving record. However, it also gave them an opportunity to eschew benefits for favorable driving records.

That is not to say that companies still don’t weigh in on good driving benefits. However, I think if you search for the promotions you find companies try to get you to sign up with initial discounts as opposed to positive driving history.

Another thing that has changed is the rules for drinking and driving. Many times a driver who is a first-time offender basically gets a “slap on the wrist.” It isn’t until they flaunt the rules more than once or earn into an accident that they pay a major sign and then they may lose their driving privileges for a period of time.

So today in the 21st Century, what should be the young drivers’ approach to their “driving career? “

You should know that if you are in an accident just being “in the right” may not do you any good at all. That makes it doubly, no “triply” important that you drive defensively. Areas that you have control over, obey the law such as drinking and driving and speeding. If you are a very young person be careful how many pals you transport at once. We all tend to lose are heads in front of an audience.

Retain this in mind: Fair as you have little in the map of individual achievement to keep you out of “general grouping,” if you get in a bad group it will lift longer to get out of it.

What makes that intriguing and unique is there aren't two people amongst us who are identical. Whether it's a combination of looks, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, drink preferences, one or two ply or level of education. If you judge about it long enough it's pretty amazing. Kind of like trying to wrap your mind around “infinity”.

However, out of 7 billion people there is actually one thing that ties us all together. Not religion, not love, not family nor agreement on global warming.

7 billion people HATE the friggin' DMV.

From the Lamborghinis in L.A. to the Rickshaws in China, why do we have to go through these people to get permission to operate a vehicle? We can have 8 kids all at the same time with no manual on how to take care of them but somehow we're told none of us know how to use a steering wheel.

Yeah, I bag that driving is more than that but the DMV has it set up so you have this checklist of crap you have to do before turning the ignition on your heavy machinery. The pilot of a 747 has a shorter checklist flying to Japan than I do to drive to Walmart.

Check my tires before entering the vehicle, check my mirrors, ensure my seat belt is buckled, weep at my passenger to assign his or hers on in case I decide to test out my passenger side airbag, wear proper footwear, check for tiny children throwing Frisbees and make sure you have the valid level of petrol to get to where you're going so some tow truck driver doesn't have to come and save your ass.

Most importantly, however? Pay your registration fee. Remember, driving is a privilege, not a right.

Uh…no. It's a necessity. No driving, no getting to work. No getting to work, no site tax going into the kitty. No state tax going into the kitty, no education funds for our kids. No education funds for our kids, the schools pump out a bunch of morons who can't pass the driving test.

I lived in California for 42 years, 26 of which I'd been driving. I had nothing to compare motor vehicle requirements against until I got to North Carolina 18 months ago.

The first thing I noticed were the similarities. If you plan on getting a job working for the DMV then let me give you some sage advice.

First, fill out the 12 page application and wait 6 months while they do a background check in case you stole a pack of gum from a 7 Eleven when you were 12 because God forbid you might let someone out on the road who's stupid enough to hit every pedestrian they see in a crosswalk.

Now if you're lucky enough to get an interview, the next allotment of advice is very, very distinguished.

Go into the interview and act like a complete ass.

The more crabby you are the more points you get. Back talk to the interviewer, scribble illegibly, and be sure you show off your ability to let a stack of paperwork pile up next to you so you can prove you'll work on it while a potential driver stands waiting impatiently.

After the personality test comes the facial expression test. Stare. Just watch at someone and gape. Make sure the potential driver knows that you're in control and they're the idiot. Throw in a little stink eye and you'll successfully gain your waiting room, which holds a capacity of 834 people full quivering prisoners waiting for their number to get called 90 minutes later. That gives the driver enough time to pop a few Valium, go out for a beer and return with another half hour to spare.

Remember those two things and you're hired. Personality of someone who doesn't give a crap+Stink Eye=Employment.

Back to the impatient driver who's number was honest called. After all, they had that beer and now have to pee so awful they're dancing in front of your station. Going to relieve themselves then heading to the support of the line is suicide so they're about to say something but remember, you're in control. Your advice to them would be to hold it.

The Valium is the only thing keeping them from leaning over the counter, smacking the makeup off your face and throwing pencils until one sticks in your neck.

Anyway, so now I'm the one who's new here and I begin to witness the differences between the DMV in California and the DMV in North Carolina. They're about as similar as a cheetah and a lady bug.

In California they just want your money. They'll smog your car every other year to execute sure it's not toxic but that's it. Money+Smog=Good to go.

In North Carolina their motto is: “Not so fast, cowboy”.

The rumor is that North Carolina has one of the most difficult written tests in the union. Hearing this, I began to study. Behold! I can't beget I'm studying a 50 page booklet on how to drive. The more I read the more complicated things become.

First, you have to write a 10 page essay, double spaced, describing why you want to be a driver in the state of North Carolina. But you can't use the word “y'all”. No wonder it's so freakin' difficult for the people here. I had the upper hand since I haven't picked up that habit yet. I used the word “dude” 18 times in 10 pages but since that's a foreign language here, they tend to overlook it.

After your essay is submitted it's on to the next battery of tests. A round of Simon Says, a simulated DUI enactment and your ability to do the Hokey Pokey.

If you pass those tests then it's on to the next process. Paperwork. And an insane amount, at that.

You need your archaic driver's license, proof of insurance, a notarized letter stating a lien holder, pass a vehicle inspection where they make sure your windshield wipers work in case you encounter a swarm of mosquitoes that block your vision or rain that falls so hard you can't even see your dashboard. You need to sign a liability letter, a social security card and one more form of identification. I guess they need all of that to identify your body when you're hit by the guy who can't seem to miss pedestrians.

Once you have that, you're allowed to take the written test to get your license. So after studying, submitting my essay and performing all the physical fitness humiliation that makes me feel like a circus animal, I go to the office to get my precious, most coveted gift the state of North Carolina can give me.

First encounter was the bitch who looked like that wrinkled old lady in Monster's Inc. I lay all my paperwork on the counter. She does a swiftly, cursory glance then shoves the paperwork back my direction.

Wait a second. I busted my butt for weeks collecting all this stuff and now you don't even want to look at it? I felt like pushing the paperwork back to her, grabbing her head and shoving it down into the pile until she memorized my social security number.

Instead, I take my number and sit down. I glance at my watch, I witness up at the number screen and I decide I have enough time to pop some Valium, go get a beer, and gather back in time to take my test.

Unbiased as I'm getting up they call my number. Damn.

I go to the window I was assigned and sat in front of this lady who looked like someone just threw a shoe at her and she's ready to beat someones ass.

That would be me since I'm the closest. The other employees are sneaking behind her back hoping not to be noticed.

She asks me about 15 questions in a monotone voice then tells me to steal my test over at dwelling 7. It's all computerized now. No number 2 pencil with bubbles, no toilet paper thin retort sheet, just a nice computer with an easy to read test.

I hit the start button while my heart is pounding so loud it's annoying the 10 employees in the room. Sure wish I had that Valium and beer but I'm riding solo right now.

15 minutes later I finish the test which was 20 questions long. You can miss 4.

I missed 3.

WOO HOO! I felt like getting up and doing the happy dance but I was afraid that 10 pairs of stink eye would focus on me like lasers and fry me to a crisp in the testing room. So I quietly got up and sheepishly approached my lady friend.

Well, everything is computerized so she knew my secure before I got up. As I'm walking toward her she looks and me and says, “sit down” in her “I fancy my job” voice.

Next conclude, picture taking. Ick. I had let me hair grow out and when we were finished I looked like a complete redneck. On the bright side when I get pulled over I'll at least recognize like I belong here.

With that delicate experience behind me, license in hand, I go to register my car. All of my paperwork is in order and ready to go. The problem is they have a totally separate facility for registration. It's 5 miles across town.

(grunt)

So I drive all the way over there and surprisingly there's no line. I amble up to the window, confidently slap my paperwork on the counter and this lady decides she's going to go over it with a fine tooth comb after doing a cavity search.

“I can't accept this”, she says.

“WHAT”?

“Your spouse is on the title”.

“Yes”, I said, “but it says Randall OR Allison”.

“Sorry, but the state of North Carolina doesn't recognize the word “OR”".

You've got to be freakin' kidding me. They don't recognize the word “or”? Is that because they don't know what it means or because they're just making stuff up as they go along?

I ask what I have to do next and she said when my spouse shows up I need to re-start the paperwork process.

Pissed beyond belief, I grabbed my pile off the counter, put it in my bag and started to sight for a pencil.

It needs to be the sharpest I can find.

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